


All That Glitters (Might Be Edible)

by TaleWorthTelling



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Other, sexbots-turned-avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 18:11:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5301602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleWorthTelling/pseuds/TaleWorthTelling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McDick is a great cook, Tinybot is a jerk, and Bucky has a sweet tooth. Steve is <em>this close</em> to just pouring glitter down their pants. If McDick ever <em>wore</em> any pants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That Glitters (Might Be Edible)

“You’re no longer under warranty, McDick.” Bucky clapped him on the back, still scanning the paper in his hands. “Looks like you’re your own bot now.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Gee, what voided it? You don’t think it was the combat, do you?”

“Actually,” Bucky said archly, shooting Steve a displeased look, “he was covered for that. It was the kitchen modifications we made. The manufacturers just don’t want to be liable for anything he feeds anyone. It’s off-label.”

“That’s hardly fair,” McDick protested. “My cooking is exceptional and I adhere to all regulated standards of sanitation.” He looked with wide, imploring eyes between them. He was probably less than fifteen seconds from launching into a soliloquy about watching his old owner cook for her grandchildren before the arthritis had really set in. Supposedly that had set him on the path from USO themed sexbot turned rampaging deathbot to the team mascot/grandparent that he’d come to embody. (The endowed nudist grandparent.) 

Which Steve knew because he really, really liked to give that speech, and Steve had to listen to it or suffer Tinybot’s wrath. Every time. Sometimes it seemed like ninety-nine percent of the bots he’d encountered had been programmed to be long-winded and bombastic or overly wistful, which probably said a lot for what the public at large thought of him. The only one so far who didn’t talk constantly was the feral bot, and that was only because silence made it easier to sneak up on prey, Steve figured.

One of these days Steve would work up the nerve to meet Ruth the Dancer, or at least one of her grandkids (with whom McDick regularly kept in touch), but he’d seen pictures of the tiny woman and he still couldn’t quite reconcile that with McDick’s … namesake, so to speak.

Tinybot shrugged, unable to deny McDick when he made that face, whether he’d admit it or not. “It looks non-lethal,” he offered. And he would know.

“It is exceptional,” Bucky rushed to agree. “And I’ve never enjoyed maple syrup more in my life than I’ve enjoyed it with your pancakes.”

“On pancakes.”

Bucky turned to Steve. “What?”

“You mean on the pancakes,” he said flatly. “Right?” After last time, he just wanted to be sure. He knocked now before he walked in on Bucky and McDick, just in case.

Bucky smirked, glancing over at the table fondly in a way that looked disturbingly like reminiscing. “Yeah, some of it definitely made it onto the pancakes.”

Tinybot made his favorite threatening whirring noise; Steve had come to recognize by now that there were several, and this particular one meant that he was thinking about something that amused him. It was almost like laughing, Steve supposed, except for how it set his teeth on edge and made him turn his back to the wall.

McDick laughed, too. (Since McDick could approximate actual human laughter, Steve assumed that it was a choice on Tinybot’s part to remain mechanical-sounding. He didn’t think it was arrogant to suspect that it had everything to do with trying to intimidate him specifically. Tinybot was very pointed in his dislike of Steve.) They were probably emailing each other again, which made it look eerily like they were communicating telepathically.

Steve sighed, pulling out his phone to check on the status of that latest edible glitter shipment. He was going to have fun with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Just wait 'til McDick liveblogs about getting stuck to a giant magnet with Sam, Bucky, and an enraged Tinybot for company while they wait for Natasha and Steve to rescue them. Should be fun.


End file.
